[New York Avon Books [1996]
0-380-78868-3; $7.50
Bob Dillon just can’t get a break. A down-on-his-luck exterminator, all he wants is his own shiny new truck with a big fiberglass bug on top, and success with his radically-new, environmentally-friendly pest-killing technique – deadly strains of cross-bred insects, the arch-enemies of the all-too-prevalent cockroach.
As the story opens, Bob has quit his job with his bug-killing employer, who is prone to using great quantities of poisons. He is behind in his rent, and his landlord is threatening to throw him out. Finally, as his first job on his own fails, his wife leaves him, going to stay with her mother, taking their daughter with her.
Bob, wearing a hat that says “Exterminator,” has a picture taken of himself, and puts together a flyer with this picture on it. The flyer says:
PROFESSIONAL EXTERMINATOR
FIFTEEN YEARS FIELD EXPERIENCE
GONE PRIVATE WITH LETHAL NEW
CONCEPT! NO PEST LEFT ALIVE!
Unfortunately, one of these flyers falls into the hands of Marcel, a man in Paris Queens enters the world of assassins-for-hire. Bob’s target is cooperative enough to go off and die all by himself, and Bob’s credit as the rubber-out of inconvenient people soars. The word is out all over the world, and Bob is credited with more assassinations. Soon the greatest assassins in the world are hunting for him! And they still don’t know that his specialty is bugs!
Bob’s wife and daughter return, just as Bob, and his new friend Klaus, who had originally come to kill him, but changes his mind, are running from the other top assassins in the world: a homicidal transvestite dwarf; an incredibly sexy and exotic femme fatale, who leaves a white chocolate truffle as a calling card; a cowboy who’s a butchering maniac; a grandfatherly Chinese man with killer throwing stars; a bloodthirsty Nigerian; as well as other gun-wielding bad guys, street punks with no clue, cabbies packing serious heat, and shadowy CIA agents with interesting agendas. The City of New York
In the end, Bob’s optimism carries him through, the landlord gets his appropriate comeuppance, Klaus becomes a real asset, and he rides off into the sunset with the Dillon family, to a new life. This is a wonderful comedic romp, with a real heart at its center. The mystery – to me, anyway, is why this hilarious adventure tale, full of great characters, incredible scenes (How can Bob be so brilliant? How can the bad guys be so dumb? How will they get away now? Who will do what to whom next?), which was written first as a screenplay, was never made into a movie! This is not a new book, but it has the kind of timelessness that all great comedies have. Many people have said that they read this book over and over, and they still laugh. My husband is such a person, and he has been after me to read it for a long time. If you need a good laugh, I recommend picking this book up. It’s truly a gem. ~ lss-r
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My husband graciously let me read his copy!
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